Don't ever trust a bear in a suit :)
by sk-alias
Summary: My version of the three bears, a set of three sick fables... (If you like this fairy tale don't read)


Hiya guys,

This is actually *strawberry_kisses* and this is my account for the stuff I have written which isn't fanfiction but more stories that I have written and just wanted to share with you guys anyway read on…

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The Three Bears (Don't Ever Trust A Bear In A Suit)

Once upon a time there lived a family of bears. There was a corrupt businessman papa-bear, a suicidal mama-bear and malnutrition baby-bear. 

As normal papa woke up early and got everyone out of bed, then went to sit down while baby went outside and ran six kilometers to gate, where he collected the paper for papa in fear that if he didn't papa would beat him. When baby got back mama had made breakfast, which was the same as usual, creamy and steamy porridge (YUK!) Papa was waiting for him, you know just in case the authorities had found him out. When baby got back he was huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf trying to get as much air into his lungs as he could. Papa read the heading out nice and calmly "Corrupt business bear found out, the search is on…" he went on to sip his coffee but then in clicked. 

"Quick" he said in a very anxious voice "where leaving." He grabbed his brief case and quickly hurried out of the door with mama and baby following close behind.

Shortly after, a wandering drag queen found the house and wondered if he/she could make it his/her pad for a while. He/she knocked on the door but there was no answer, so he/she just let him/her self in. 

The first room was the kitchen. He/she was about to run to the cupboard to see if there was any food when he saw it; three bowls of steaming hot... Porridge. He/she hated porridge but he/she wasn't one to complain seeing he/she hadn't eaten in just under three days so he/she ran to the table greedily. He/she tried the first one....

"YUK," he/she screamed, it was salt reduced and, trust me, porridge tastes even worse without salt. Then he/she tried the second one....

"UHGH," he/she yelped it was even worst than the first one this one had, god forbid, fruit in it, he/she couldn't stand the thought of anything healthy. Even thought the last two times had been duds he remembered the old saying:

__

'Third times a charm'

and tried the third bowl, it wasn't perfect (like that's even possible with porridge) but it would do, seeing the other two were rejects.

The drag queen yawned suddenly; he/she hadn't realized how very tired he/she was. So he went downstairs to find somewhere he could get forty winks.

There where three beds so of course he tried the first one it first, being the closest. It was so large he couldn't even get onto, it looked really comfy and he really had his hopes set on sleeping there but, being so tired, he eventually gave up and went to the next one. It was really low and he got onto it easily but immediate he sunk into in, it was like quicksand. He eventually got out of it without suffocated and went on to the next one, remembering the old saying once again. It was not terribly comfortable but at least he could get onto it and it didn't sink, although it did have a faint smell of ammonia on it (Ooowwww, looks like baby-bear's got more problems than I thought.)

Meanwhile papa, mama and baby had escaped and, hiding up in a tree, papa had finished the paper, finding out that it was not him they were talking about but his business partner. Papa breathed a sigh of relief, informed his family of the situation and they bears started walking back home. Just as the family walked though the door they all headed to the kitchen to continue the rest of their breakfast in peace. Mama was the first to enter and papa just managed to catch her after she fell back, out cold. Papa went to look at what mama would have fainted over and looked at his porridge as he growled and stated "Someone's eaten some of my porridge, they left a lipstick stain on the spoon." 

Then mama slowly lifted her head, coming out of her near-coma-state and said

"Someone's left a (she made a wrenching noise) hair in my porridge"

Then baby bear smiled and cheerfully stated

(Sarcastically) "Oh, what a pity, someone ate _all_ of my porridge."

"Don't worry," said mama lovingly. "I'll make you some more."

"Dumb bitch," baby scowled, under his breath.

Mama got to work making some more porridge for an indecent baby-bear and papa began to read the paper once again. Just as mama was about to serve up breakfast for her son papa let out an exclamation.

"Oh no, I just remembered," he stated. "It's the 1st of December, that means winter. We have to go into hibernation, quick we better go down stairs and start sleeping so we can wake up early for spring."

"So let me get this straight," baby said surprised and happy. "I don't have to talk or even see you for 3 months?" Baby bear did a little jig as papa and mama nodded unknowledgeable and started to walk downstairs.

When they finally got there, which was not soon enough for baby, mama bear fainted once again and papa went to investigate.

"Someone got put handprints all over my bed," he declared indignantly.

"Oh my god, oh my god," mama said, resurrecting once again and trying hard not to hyperventilate. "There's a tacky sequin on my bed."

"There's a drag queen sleeping in my bed, know you'll have to by me that racing car one I want."

"I don't think so son," papa said as he laughed evilly.

All I'm gonna tell after that is there was a lot of male screaming coming from that house that day, a concrete truck came to the house later that afternoon, papa-bear was seen laughing on the bridge outside of town and the drag queen was never seen again.

THE END

Don't even ask because I have no idea why I wrote these TTB story's… R&R!!!

*strawberry_kisses*

Review here

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